The world seemed to have been energized by people's return from vacation. The streets were now swarming with a new busyness that injected and infected everything around, a vaccine against the lethargic summer days. Echoing from what, more and more now, seemed a distant, long gone past.
Walking the streets had lost the laxity of steps that for the past few weeks turned plantigrades' business into a series of promenading mantras. Brisk movements were now required. They were been orchestrated by hundreds of passersby going about their business, but making it yours with their haste. And anywhere I turned, there it was, a conductor ready to make me stop abruptly, or continue at a higher pitch. One thing tough, no Chopin anymore... This was more of a Wagner, or Beethoven overture. And definitely Miller, it was Glen Miller when it rained! All the quicksteps were then needed to avoid fall in an open manhole!
For some inexplicable reason the more people I crossed, the more wormholes I tried, to avoid stepping into their toes... the lonelier and isolated I felt. It was as though, crowds and places rubbed in my face the futility of my existence.
I had always been alone, but experiencing loneliness was a first for me, and I didn't know how to manage that suffocating feeling!
I started thinking of all the relations I had taken for granted. Dismissed with a gesture that revealed absolutely nothing, as if of nothing had been dismissed. Yawning at the absence of anything invigorating, challenging. Treating clear and present beings like annoying summer flies around my table. Standing pretty in the middle of a crowd, noticing I was been noticed, letting all lesser bodies orbit around in a magnanimous condescension... So full of myself!
Oh, and what a fate awaited for those poor mortals who dared cross me, by a simple mere degree of separation! I would charge on them like a Khan, crush them like insects, publicly and without remorse!... And for what!
How foolish and purposeless sounds all of it to me now! What wouldn't I give in exchange for a glance, just a stray glance from any of the ransacked and plundered souls of my dismissals!
But they are not around anymore. Some had to amass scattered pieces and scrape them together before leaving filled with confusion... Others, simply vanished from my radar, as if they had never been... a total de-materialization right before my eyes... Eyes that had never been put to see!
Thus I am left with a totally self provoked loneliness. A vagrant, floating away through the various planes of existence. A self proclaimed Queen of the Dead in a city of muted cries, where each stone is an homage to an even greater regret. Continuously roaming the empty air around... regardless of how crowded it gets.
And for it I am... oh, so sorry!
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