Neither Tuesday, nor a Friday

Neither a Tuesday nor a Friday. Still it was the 13 of some month of a certain year, or at least it could have been, and I was new and thinking for the first…

If I were to be born on this day and had no precognition of the world, I’d with certainty say: The Sun is shy. The air is chilly. The ceiling is sad: can’t stop crying. People are pale. Nubians are pale! Women wear Cossack pants. All men have big beer bellies. Preferential treatment awaits only to those speaking any foreign language: In a world where you don’t know what the sun looks like, sunglasses are used to block the light within: People’s true colors… If I were to be born on this day and had no precognition of the world, I’d with certainty say: Waiting on the platform can be quite an adventure. Flowers are in full bloom seducing all kinds of birds and insects. If you sit still waiting for the train nobody knows when will enter the station nor which tracks will it use to make its big entrance: like a debutant in the ballroom of life. But if you sit stillest still, long enough, waiting for the train: which of course will make you wait long enough! you will undoubtedly be bugsessorized. You will be engulfed and gulped all at once by an army of flapping wings. A gigantic stomach releasing induced vomits of acid. Stings all over the legs. They always attack the legs first: The army of flapping wings. And the desperate scratching… it only rebels the more timid stingers. Now, all stung and on the verge of a nervous break down, you will realize you’ve just been around for a little while and still don’t know the miraculous benefits of cortisone: The ceiling is sad: can’t stop crying. Finally, you’re inside your train wondering how long will this ride last. Will it have great many stops? Already have the window seat. But the view isn’t always pretty. Keeps getting interrupted, now and then, by the pitch-black darkness of making way through impossibles: Pretty much straight. Pretty much all the time.

If I were to be born on a day like this and had no precognition of the world, I’d with certainty say: That are the curves the most exciting part of this ride: the bending of corners: the mystery behind. That the sun is shy and the ceiling is sad: can’t stop crying.

Rambling

Today the wind has slowed down a little. It is more pleasant to go out at night and don't find yourself fighting over the sand that got into your mouth or in your eyes! This has open a world of possibilities, like eating by the beach under the pale moonlight... and don't find crunchiness in every bite!

I keep meeting characters in this hotel I'm staying at... Today it was the turn for CJ and his protégé... CJ been a former reggaeton radio station's dj, now turned reggaeton artists' manager, he started conversing with me while I was trying to write something here! Anyway, in the end he made sure to find out if I was single or else! hahaha He was so obvious! hahaha At one point he asked: "OMG! Won't your husband get jealous if he sees me talking to you???" hahahaha

Well, I don't have a husband... but a jealous hotel manager, perhaps! lol Just one of the many that find me so attractive lately!

I went by the pool to have a smoke and there was a woman talking to the top of her lungs (probably drunk, cause I think I saw her jaywalking the lawn) on how she just had her first sexual experience... with sodomy! She was so excited, I think she was still cumming! Nevertheless, it was pretty interesting what she was saying about her backdoor exit experience... She was lamenting all the years wasted with a negative whenever the opportunity had arised!

CJ is back, and the hotel manager is marking his territory! hahaha He hasn't left my side, just in case! He even gave me a kiss!!!! Men are really something! They never cease to amaze me.

Anyway... the manager has left, CJ came downstairs again... to talk to me, obviously! (told you! attraction is on my side, lol) I will go out to the terrace... the view tonight is spectacular. There is a full moon and everything seems to be covered by a silvery mantle... SHIT!!! They just said the elevator has broken!!!! And I am in the 7th floor!!!!! I think I saw a nice couch in the lobby... I'll only need a blanket, and I'm all set!

Well, goodnight fellas... 'til another day!

Don't get my weird success with men!

I was going to tell you about the abysmal differences between the non existing 800 number and the invisible 24-7 customer service versus the detailed service received once at the Barcelona Airport... But for some reason, that it's something that can wait for now. I'll explain myself...

I have been trying to understand something that has me completely bewildered, to say the least! And I am talking about men, of course!

For some reasons that are obvious to me, but somehow are escaping the rest:

I am feeling older and uglier than ever before, cause the lines around my eyes are more visible now than ever. I am feeling (and probably cause I AM) fatter than ever!... when I look at myself in the mirror, I can see little bulges coming off my underarms and off the back of my sundress!

My stomach seems to have developed a sudden attraction for gravity, cause it keeps falling down... and my ass is not fit for a white woman!... I have a Jennifer Lopez ass!!! Can' t seem to keep it in place no matter what I try! Even when I'm wearing jeans, or any other kind of pants (which, by the way, I hate!) my ass keeps coming off the back... and my stomach coming off the front! I rather stand up until my legs and feet swell, than sit down and have all that mass come out like The Blob, flooding over my pants like in a horror movie!

But, despite all that... Men are falling around me like flies on the honey! Don't get it, really. It is the lowest I have ever felt about myself, but somehow it is the most attractive I have been to them!

They keep paying me compliments about my EYES! (the ones that have more lines than a Martian landscape!) ... my body! For crying out loud! The body that looks like one of those Spanish sausages that put me where I am now!!!!...... All and all, I have more success with men nowadays that I had in a very, very long time!! Still don't get it, but I swear it's the truth! I even had two guys fighting over me a couple of weeks ago!

Not that I don't like the attention, but it's kinda weird... if you know what I mean.

I started going to the gym before my trip to PR, cause I have to do something about that gravity thingy, and because I am tired of looking at myself and kinda see my aunt in the mirror!!!! That my friends, it's a horror movie in itself!!!

But I also have to stop eating the so many good things they have in Spain! That ain't helping at all, I know! Keeping fit was easier when I lived elsewhere! There are so many things for what I am hating Spain right now!!!!! But one thing at a time... first of all, put an end to the Wes Craven film of my life! That might do the trick... in the mean time, I will console myself with the studs that keep coming at me!

Weather of the Caribbean... The curse of the Tropical Storm

And here I am, in "sunny" Puerto Rico... So far the sun has only showed its face today and just for a little while. Still is windy as hell and because of the bad weather, going out has been out of the question!

To give you an idea, yesterday I waited more than an hour to get a taxi! Not even taxi drivers adventure out when there is bad weather. After all, it is understandable... the streets collapse with traffic jams, just because the lack of alternate routes and also, because three quarters of them are under 2 feet of water.

Electricity also fails. It only takes a knocked down line by the strong winds to have half the Metropolitan area without working semaphores for a while... and if, on top of it, you add the fact that there probably are one and a half cars per person... well, you do the math! But I tell you, in reality feels like been in the middle of total chaos!

Despite the heavy wind, a shy little sun emerged today between the dark clouds. A sign from heaven to go down to the pool... Unfortunately, the pool faces North and the hotel is just south of its lonely water hole... the sun doesn't reach the coral stones that surround the little pond. It even makes a big shadow over the small strip of beach behind it! Looking at the angle of the casted shadows, I would guess that around this time of year, it probably is early in the morning the only time suitable to sunbathe by the swimming pool. Just my luck! Cause frankly, I am not a morning person at all! If required to wake up early in the morning, I rather stay up all night... it is the only way I can remain sharp. Otherwise, I will look and feel as in a wake... MINE!

Anyway, I hope for a sunnier day tomorrow... in the mean time, I will probably go to the sancta sanctorum of my room to watch a movie, read my book, or something... Maybe I'll go out tonight... gotta be ready, just in case. Right!

Carnaval en Lloret

My arrival here coincided with the Carnival celebration... I´ve gotta tell you, I have to add one more thing that people here know how to do very well... and that of course is partying! I have been so engrossed in my misery lately that I completely forgotten on how capable they are at showing you a great time... that is, if they can keep the bitching at bay!

I was in front of a mountain of cardboard boxes full of needless things, but that you carry them anyway! Probably as a comfort blanket, nothing more... and I couldn´t take it any longer! The walls were kinda tumbling down on me, and I felt totally lost in a sea of bits and pieces from my previous lives! I had a number in my pocket... Ramon! from Thursday night at Moby´s. What the hell! I thought. Let´s give him a call and see what´s in the agenda for tonight!

I doubted he would remember me. After all, it was Aida who made the connection... I was there just for the booze, and surrounded by my usual aloofness! Didn´t pay too much attention to him or anyone else... But, he did remembered me! And the funniest part is that we are neighbors! Who would have thought! We live accross the street from each other, and naturally he offered himself to show me some of the local waterholes... along with their fauna! LOL

It was Carnival. Everybody was in costume! Many did disguised themselves around a theme and did it in bunches. It was a very wild night... a very good one too! Only, I danced and jumped so much that I managed to loose my cellphone, or maybe it was stolen... I don´t really know. Found out the next morning around 8AM when I finally made it to somebody´s home! lol

The bartender of the first tavern we hit

Some of Ramon´s friends

Sergi in costume.... he was supposed to be some kind of truck driver cock sucker from Rumania or something...

More of Ramon´s friends

Snow White and not the dwarfs, but Ramon himself!

Sergi again... of course!

I would have liked to say ¨don´t you just take my word for it¨ and then post the pics I took that night... But, it seems there is a little uploading problem here at the Internet Cafe. I promise you I will try again tomorrow... Cause no matter what, an image is worth a thousand words!

24-7... an unheard concept here in Spain!

I have an upcoming trip to Puerto Rico, but needed to change the date cause it caught me right in the middle of moving to my new place.

What did I do???? I called the airline to cancel my flight. Because that's what you normally do, right? WELL, NO NO NO NO... NOT IN SPAIN!!!!


Something as simple as a 24-7 eight hundred number is an unheard concept here in Spain. It seems really impossible that in this time and age, you'll find a country in the world (not the third world!) that doesn't have the right tools to offer a good Customer Service... But I am in SPAIN!!! and unfortunately, things here don't work that way.

Customer Service???? They don't even know what it means! I kinda got used to the idea that Spaniards are rude and nasty when it comes to deal with public in general. But I've gotta tell you, this is TOO MUCH!!! This goes beyond rude and nasty! This is simple and plain common sense!!! For crying out loud!!!


You would have expected that even in a "third world country", like this fucking country! (but don't even tell them!!!) an American company would have a better understanding of the services they need to provide. Specially, cause it probably has to deal with lots of Americans, like me!!!! used to a FIRST CLASS SERVICE, NO MATTER WHAT!!!! But nooooooo!!! It seems that American Airlines has gotten the same virus that affects the rest of this forsaken place!

I swear! the ham is great, the cheese superb, the espresso hmmm, the paellas... the food in general! Marvelous, wonderful, amazing!!!!! The rest.... IT SUCKS BIG TIME!!!!! I think they are gonna give me an ulcer, if I haven't got it yet!

Oh well, I am gonna take a long hot bath, and I'll get ready to go out and have dinner somewhere... After all, it seems to be the only thing they know how to do well!

"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Arenys de Mar didn't turned out to be the place I was looking for. One has to kiss many toads before one finds her prince!

Decided to go on with my search, and always on the coast, that's how I met with Gabriella and Sergio. The Argentinian couple that came to live to Spain after many, many years living in the States. It was funny how we instantly clicked!

It was me, as usual, who, and with no consideration at all to anything, (or should I say with the same deference I have received since my arrival here...) I started bitching about this fucked up place called Catalonia, and for that matter but some grades bellow, Spain.

In Sergio I found the perfect ears to deposit all my frustration and despair. He was supposed to show me just a couple of flats. That was something than in any other circumstances would have taken an hour at the most, but in this case, it ended up been a delightfully 5 hour long rendezvous. We even shared a cup of hot Earl Grey, my favorite!

In the end, the business transaction took a second place before what is, and to put it in Bogie's words... "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship".

Gabriella turned out to be as charming and supporting as Sergio. She was the one to take me to Lloret de Mar. When I walked inside the flat, it didn't take me more than a minute to make up my mind! I guess that deep inside I knew I would know it... Know that I was home. The only thing missing is flatware! No biggie, really!

We left Lloret straight to their office in Pineda, where I signed the pre-contract, and today I will finalize the transaction signing the contract with an option to buy! The whole thing couldn't be more perfect, and who knows, if I can really integrate myself, I might end up been the owner of a flat in the Costa Brava!

The other good news are that I might also get a job working with the F1 circuit... in every country that holds the Grand Prix, except for Brazil.

Life is certainly starting to look better for me... which reminds me of a Spanish saying: "No hay mal que dure cien años... ni cuerpo que lo resista". Which basically means that nothing lasts forever, not even the bad times.

Boadas still!!! hahaha

Still am at Boadas! And I am thinking you could probably ask for any kind of cocktail here.... I am sure they would know right away what is it you are asking for, even if it is to just prepare it Boadas' style!

Sipping my second Cosmo now, and I have to admit its sweetness is starting to get to my head! Not enough food today, I guess. But it's OK! After this one I will walk out in style... no walks of shame tonight! lol I'll take a cab and make it home, not the new one though... but it's getting pretty close now! My dream apartment still is in my pocketbook and just an hour away from here!

One great thing about my soon to be new home though... it is IT, the place to be during the summer. I will be smack in the middle of the summer action... and that my friends, that is PRICELESS!!!

Shit! I haven't even made a dent to my second glass and my head feels as light as a feather! Dammit!!!! lol .... I am wondering now about that graceful and stylish exit I had in mind just a few minutes ago... where is it going???? hahahaha

BTW, surprisingly enough, they don't take credit cards here at Boadas... so, if ever in the neighborhood, please do take some cash with you. Otherwise, I see you washing glasses for a couple of nights... meaning it isn't cheap! But totally worth it!

The only thing that could top what I'm feeling right now, would be TT walking in and making a pass at me! hahaha But what the hell am I saying!!!! Must be Boadas' Cosmos speaking! What the hell would a soccer player be doing in a place like this! Although, I wish it could really happen... Anyway, he probably is a prick! I know, I know... I am in love with a body, a smile, and a color! hahaha It would be funny though, if I ever meet him, to find out if he really is worth the time of day... but foremost, if he really deserves me! AHA!

Not that I want to, but the closeness of this place doesn't help... I overhear a conversation between a patron and one of the bartenders, a regular for the familiarity of the exchange... their respective wives don't like flying and the patron has the cure for it... a couple of whiskeys and a Valium!!!! I sure wouldn't want to be in her shoes!!!! The kind of things you can hear in places like this!

I will sign off now, I wanna finish the rest of my drink in private, if you don't mind.

Ta-ta, see ya!

A farewell to Barcelona

I started celebrating too early. The owner of what I thought was my dream apartment is asking for a 2,000 Euros bank guaranty!!! Nevertheless, and since I know I will live in an even better place, I decided to go out in style and celebrate anyways... after all, my just recovered will needs a Cosmopolitan desperately!!

Right now I am at Boadas, the oldest cocktail bar in Barcelona. Established by Miguel Boadas in 1933, the place has remained practically the same since. All thanks to the continued tradition in the hands of his daughter now, who's approximately around 80 years old!!! The business of making people "happy"... literally!

As I write these lines, I am sipping a Cosmo, my favorite drink. I have to say, it isn't at all what I expected, but it isn't bad either. I guess it is a Spanish style Cosmo!. A little bit sweeter than the ones you get in the States, a little bit tangier too, with a subtle orange whiff to it. Different, yes... but not bad, not bad at all.

Mahogany is all over the place. Mahogany is the main characteristic of this picturesque place! It is a very small room, and they told me it used to be even smaller. I don't think it can hold more than 30 patrons at a time, and 25 of them standing up. Aside from the bar, there is a mahogany sill all around the room, for the purpose of putting your drink down. Above it, the room is full of photographs, cartoon likenesses and oil paintings of the founder and his daughter.

Miguel was a man with a very pleasant completion. An oil painting of him catches my attention, a broad smile dominates not only his face, or the portrait, it really dominates the whole room.

Sitting at the curb in the end of the bar, you get the feeling time has stood still. Even the bartenders ware uniforms more appropriate for 1930's fashion than today's. I feel like a time traveler... and right now I am at a place in time where I could see Hemingway walking any minute in and through that door... and we all know how fond was he of alcohol!

It is a farewell to the nights in Barcelona. A "Spanish style" Cosmo farewell!
Tomorrow I will continue my journey in search of the perfect home!

The call

I am on a train. It isn't a destination unknown, I exactly know what I am doing... for a change, lol. Cause it hasn't felt like it lately, but today it is different.

My iPod is on. "Lady in red"is playing, and outside my window I can see the golden lights of the magic hour twinkling over the gentle waves. I will arrive at Arenys de Mar just as the sun starts to come down... I will see the sunset from the terrace of my soon to be new home.

It is funny how life takes you around, plays with you. Sometimes a little, other times a lot! But in the end, and after making you suffer, she'll always give you what you prime for. Funny. Yeah!

I remember myself saying I would some day like to retire to a small town in the Costa Brava with a terrace overlooking the beach. I would then go for a swim any time I felt like... sunbathe with nothing at all between me and the sand, the blue sky or the sea. Breathing my inspiration a bit at a time, mixed in the air that comes from the depths of the Mediterranean... salty, fishy, adorned with pearls and corals. Notes of red, blue and gold. Laced with the waves that brake at my feet... and all that is just 30 minutes away from me now! Hard to believe!

I acted on an impulse. I didn´t even wanted to stay in Barcelona anymore. I was feeling so unhappy, so useless, so impotent! It was as if the city and all it's scum had transformed all of the sudden into some kind of a monster, eating me alive, devouring my will to do anything at all! I had been erased, annulled from existence... a terrible way to go! And then... when I saw the add... I felt the little coves of the Costa Brava calling me. I felt the blood in my veins flowing again, rushing through my heart, pumping my dried out arteries.

I heard the call... and I was answering...

About Spanish Men... Desmystifying the image of the Latin Lover

If any of you out there have ever had the fantasy of a Latin lover... let me just demystify the notion of it.

I know books, songs and movies, and lately Antonio Banderas have a lot to do with the image some have created in their minds about what a Latin lover is or does. But reality can be, and is, quite the opposite!

Since Rudolph Valentino, Latin lovers haven't changed a bit. They still beat women and treat them like objects, really! Everyday I see on the news a new victim of their machismo, and it seems there isn't anything that can be done to stop it. There is no romance when there still is a double standard. It is ok if is the man that goes out at night with his friends, and comes late... or early in the morning, no questions asked. But if it is the woman who does it... well, it is a very different story. The least it will happen, is she will find her pajamas on the sofa, along with her pillow! The worst can easily go from finding the door bolted and impenetrable, to all her belongings in the street... if not death in the worst case scenarios!

The funniest happens after a brake-up. Just like in the movie with the same name, you still have to tolerate each other cause neither party wants to move out. Women are more civilized when it comes to that. Men on the other hand, don't take it as easy as you would think they would. They can tell you they don't love you anymore, they can tell you it is over, but they will also tell you they are not jealous if you go out and come home late... but they will want to know every detail about your little escapade. So, you'll better have your story straight! Fortunately, it is easy to turn them around... Let's face it, we are better liars than them! If they do anything they weren't supposed to do, they will come home with flowers or some sort of a gift they would never give you if not out of pure and sheer plain guilt! Thus, they are always gonna be caught infraganti! Besides, they will always start giving explanations without been asked to give them... and that my friends, is a dead giveaway!

I can only feel amused by the things men will be willing to do or say, just to deny they aren't in love anymore... In some cases it might be true, but when it comes to Latin lovers, it is impossible to let go. Once you've been owned by one of them, you'll always be their property. No matter what you do, no matter how far away you go, they will always feel you have betrayed them!

Tonight I was lucky! I just found my pajamas and sleepers in the living room. My pillows and my iPod over the sofa! Tomorrow, who knows what it will happen! Cause no matter how much a man thinks I am some kind of an object that can be owned, I will never cease to be who I am... my own woman, my own person!

I wonder, what will he want to know in the morning??? lol

Outraged!

Haven't we learned anything? For how long are we gonna prevent our mistakes from becoming part of our historical memory? And if so... Why do we choose that path when there isn't any real restitution to be made, nor is there any just retribution to be given? Isn't that too accommodating, too easy, too self forgiving, and also too hypocritical?

I feel totally outraged, it has been so for quite a long time now. But lately, it has become an abnormally normal way of living. A strange daily ritual, for which I feel as guilty as any of the culprits holding the most important roles in this never ending stage called life.

It isn't just one thing! It is the sum of all that has gone unchecked by all of us as a collective. We are just too goddamn busy living our pitiful excuse of a life, to really stand up and denounce the obvious!

On one hand, we are killing the planet. But that pretty blue sphere we all call home, isn't ready yet to go into the night without a fight. Western Europe, Spain and France particularly, have received the fury of the elements... we had a sort of hurricane over land. And that, when we all know that hurricanes never form over it! The destruction has been nothing short of catastrophic, and the death toll... one too many! We might as well do what Jim Jones did in Guyana and kill everybody including our kids. We might as well put a gun in their heads... suffering will only last a fraction of a second vs. the moribund home they are gonna inherit from us, plus a slow and painful death as our dammed legacy to them.

Secondly, I keep hearing people talk about a crisis, a new depression, etc... everybody in their respective countries blaming the government in turn. Opposition has it easier than ever these days! As it has always been, if I may add... Only now, they seem to be feeding on the lack of a discerning criteria on behalf of the millions of people suffering it first hand.... More to my introduction point! We still are as dumb as ever!

We need more independent thinkers. But, above all, more independent doers! I don't believe in problems, there is just people without imagination!

The unscrupulous will take advantage of our most primal fear, making us believe that in returning to our worn out and ragged old patterns rests our only way out. I don't have all the answers... but I also feel some kind of certainty as they are even more clueless than me, if that is even possible!

Four boys died last Saturday morning, due in part to the extreme weather conditions we have been experiencing since, due in part to construction defects in the stadium that buried them alive under its rubble. A stadium they were precisely using to escape the strong winds blowing outdoors! Irony? No, I don't think so. Total negligence on behalf of the highest bidder for the construction of a government financed project... That's more like it! But unfortunately, it isn't until a tragedy of this sort takes place that the responsible show up with a solution. Is that gonna return those kids back to life and to their broken down families? Why did we wait so? Can we really fall any lower?

I swear, sometimes I believe I am living between Disneyland and Macondo, and this is just a bad chapter of the Surreal Life!

And the cherry to top it all! The IV Reich is here already!!!
Yes, I said the IV Reich, leaded by the elected Nazi Pope Benedict XVI, whom in an act that dares all that a man of God is supposed to stand for, lifted the excommunications of four traditionalist bishops, including that of a Holocaust denier whose rehabilitation sparked outrage among Jewish and not Jewish groups alike. All that without any consideration to the other 6 million people that were also exterminated! Gassed along with the Jews, they were considered little pebbles in Hitler's shoes. Gays, lesbians, Gypsies, communists, persons with physical and mental disabilities, etc. Religion wasn't the only criteria used during the Holocaust. In total, Hitler & Co. got rid of 12 million people! So, and just as a footnote... ENOUGH ALREADY with the Jewish martyrs! They weren't the only ones who suffered during WWII. And now, back to the present Nazi Pope in Rome and his predecessor Pope Pius XII... The one that condoned all the atrocities committed by the III Reich.

Men of God??? Holy See??? HOLY SHIT! And that's more like it!

If we can so easily forget, or "forgive", our not so old past... What else is there waiting for us? How much more has to happen before we all firmly stand before such an outrage!

Just some thoughts on the Palestinian Genocide

"The failure of the Oslo Accords, the betrayed promise of a Palestinian Estate and the continued denial of Hamas as the elected Palestinian government, have provoked the actual situation in Gaza" This was part of a manifest presented by the small group "Jews for a Just Peace". They were present during yesterdays rally in Berlin, where another very small group of people, around 2,000 to be exact, rallied in favor of Israel's actions against Gaza and the Palestinian people.

It is of common knowledge that Germany holds a guilty complex when it comes to Jews and Israel... thanks to their Nazi past! To go against Israel still is a taboo for them. Understandable... maybe. But 'til when is this guilt gonna be an excuse for the inexcusable? The only thing this is doing for Germany, in the best of cases, is to cause the exact opposite reaction... It makes even more patent the antisemitism that still lives in Germany. A two face masquerade holding a signed blank check to the order of Israel, to confirm without the shadow of a doubt that same past they so desperately want to officially forget.

The little power the manifestation showed, is just another confirmation of a recent poll, where one out of every two Germans is against Israel's attacks on Gaza. Even Jews are against it! Why is it then? Why are we condoning such a conduct. A conduct that so far has taken the lives of 876 people.

Hamas is not the only one suffering here. There are children, just like yours. Human beings just like you and me. People who want to live, grow, progress and aspire to all the things you and me take so much for granted!

I keep hearing comments on the streets, some against Israel, others against the Palestinian. The latest are always accompanied by the word "terrorist". But, how can you leave that qualification out when your sovereignty is not recognized? When no matter what you do, your neighbors don't do as they say? And the crudest of them all... When you see your son, daughter, mother, uncle, sister, brother treated like animals, and finally murdered like pigs.

There is no dignity in this attacks, there is no dignity in murder, but there is even less dignity in turning away from it. When is enough gonna be enough for us to do something? And all because it doesn't happen to one of us!

Spain and me... A match made in Hell!

And just when I thought Spain was finally smiling at me... Badaboum! The hit came out of nowhere and left me truly K.O.

I am clueless when it comes to what kind of a silly idea made me think I could make it back home without any troubles, or at least not so many! Was that too much to ask? I keep wondering.

You all have been my witnesses, you all have been here with me every time I had a setback on this little adventure of mine. You have read about the big bumps I found on the road, the small victories (which were the few), and how my brother wiped my tears and gave me hopes every time I was ready to throw the towel, and go back the same way I came.

Looking back now, June 24, the day I finally came to Barcelona (or should I say Sabadell, which is definitively not the same) seems to have taken place more than an eternity ago. So much has happened! I seem to have come a long way since, or so I thought. Think again baby! Just when I was starting to savor the laurels of moving into the big city, and just when I was about to sign the contract on my new home, another Spanish fuck came in and made true, all over again, what I already thought about this fucking place!

They told me to wait until after the Holidays to sign... on the day in question I called to confirm the appointment, and... Surprise, surprise! They plainly told me that they were putting the apartment on the market again! Cause the owner turned greedy before the tough times the economy is living nowadays. The fucking owner wants to make more money on it... I would say "good luck" on that one! I hope he crashes and burn on trying! Fucking bastard!

Anyways, I'm back to square one. A little bit numb, of course! But in good spirits. One thing I have learned these past months is to take things easy, and don't let this fucking country of mine get to my nerves! I think I can finally say that I am over it! Just like I am over a lot of other things... like man in general! HAHAHA Not sex though! I'm sorry, but there still are things that one cannot live without! Which reminds me... Gotta go suck somebody's dick! Ta-ta, seeya!

All you need is ________?

"John Lennon was right: Love is the answer..." Someone said on the TV. And they continued, "couples tend to break up more during the Summer holidays than any other time of year".

I couldn't help it. Right away I started thinking why could that be true, and the reason seems to be the long periods of time they spend together during this season of leisure. Been together at all times creates all kinds of animosities between the parts, and it could make life unbearable, as I heard.

I tried to remember the most significant breakups I've had to see the theory proved. But in the end, I couldn't find a single one that happened during Summer. Although, I have to agree that some of them were caused by that "midsummer closeness".

If the whole point of a relationship is been together, why do we run away from it?

It is true, we all need some time apart. Time of our own to do whatever it is that complements the relationship. A lot of people understand that that time is to do things they used to do before they had a partner in life... and that is when problems arise. Because no matter how you put it, some of those activities are totally against the principles of a good and healthy relationship. For example, and I don't want to be the party pooper here, but if you ask for a time to yourself to go out dancing with your buddies... well, that isn't gonna add anything to the relation! In any case, it can actually deteriorate immensely the trust in each other... and trust is the engine that keeps the relation going.

"All you need is love" another Lennon mantra! But I searched myself in and out, and I have to disagree with it... All you need is trust. That's how it should go! Break that trust and you'll end up alone, hurting and hurt!

On the other hand, acceptance... moreover, tolerance... There you have it! Like a quintessential chem formula, Love=trust+tolerance/misled aloneness. Such a simple one too! Why is it then so hard to achieve? What has gone wrong in the lab of our lives?

Food for thought...

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Y ahora y para mi querido hermano, aquí va la traducción:

Todo lo que necesitas es ________?

“John Lennon tenía razón: El amor es la respuesta...” Alguien estaba diciendo en la tele y continuaba, “las parejas tienden a dejarse más durante el verano”.

No pude evitarlo e inmediatamente empezé a pensar en el por qué de tal aseveración. La razón parece estar en que es durante esa temporada de ocio, cuando las parejas pasan más tiempo juntas. El estar tanto tiempo el uno al lado del otro crea todo tipo de animosidades entre las partes y por lo que he oído, la convivencia puede llegar a ser insoportable.

Traté de recordar las rupturas más importantes de mi vida con la intención de probar dicha teoría... pero al final, no fui capaz de encontrar ninguna que hubiese tenido lugar durante el verano. Aunque tengo que reconocer que algunas de ellas tuvieron como causa esa excesiva proximidad veraniega.

Si toda la razón de ser de una relación de pareja es poder estar el uno con el otro, ¿por qué lo saboteamos al tirar cada cual por nuestro lado?

Sí, es cierto que necesitamos nuestro espacio. Espacio y tiempo para hacer lo que sea que nos hace felices, porque la realidad es que cuando estamos contentos con nosotros mismos, aportamos más a la relación y sobre todo de mejor grado. Se trata de que ese espacio de crecimiento personal rompa con la monotonía de la cotidianidad. El problema surje cuando creemos que podemos llenar ese espacio con actividades que solíamos disfrutar cuando éramos solteros... pero lo que no tenemos en cuenta, es que algunas de éstas van en contra de lo que hace falta para mantener una relación de pareja saludable. Por ejemplo, y con esto no quiero ser la nota discordante, pero si utilizas tu espacio para salir de fiesta o copeteo con los amiguetes... bueno, que eso no va a ayudar, como tampoco añadirá nada positivo a tu relación. En todo caso, lo que dicha conducta puede provocar, es un deterioro irreversible en la confianza que cada cual pueda tener en el otro... y sin confianza no puede existir la relación.

“Lo único que necesitas es amor” otro mantra del Lennon! Pero después de rebuscarme y desdoblarme del derecho al revés, debo decir que discrepo totalmente con la frasecita... Lo único que necesitas es confianza. ¡Eso es lo que realmente debería decir! Rompe esa confianza y terminarás solo, herido y lo que es peor, ¡hiriendo al otro!

Por otro lado, la aceptación incondicional... o mejor aún, la tolerancia. ¡Helo aquí! La quintaesencia de la química conyugal, la fórmula para la convivencia perfecta: Amor=confianza+tolerancia/soledad equivocada. ¡Simple! ¿Verdad? Entonces, ¿por qué parece tán dificil de alcanzar? ¿Qué es lo que ha salido mal en el laboratorio de nuestras vidas?

Algo para la reflexión, sin duda.

A white Epiphany

I spent the day at my brother's... who by the way, didn't pay too much attention to my present... I'm not even sure he liked it... Oh well!

It was raining cats and dogs when we got there, and for once (more!) I wished it was snow instead of rain. My coat was drowning in the cold rain, and for another one, my brother agreed with me.

After having lunch we all sat down for a movie, but just before that we listened to the news and they were announcing snow at 100 meters. My brother said to me: "not a chance we get it here. This is Barcelona, it rarely snows here. Besides we are at 66 meters". But that is where he lives... I live at 400 meters. So, I left his comment unanswered, probably cause the child in me was telling me I might get lucky later on... And I did!

Just half an hour past the time he left me home, it started snowing! I haven't seen snow in Barcelona since I was a kid, and boy, oh boy! What a marvelous treat that was!

It is snowing still, and all the cars parked on the street and the hill right in front of my building are already covered by a white blanket. I can't wait to see how it is gonna look in the morning! I hope it keeps snowing all night, otherwise, what already is in the ground might not hold... We'll see.

Another boring Sunday

Another boring Sunday afternoon... the night doesn't seem to be improving either. Well, doesn't really matter. Just because we still are in the middle of the Christmas Season, doesn't mean every day is gonna be a holiday... Right?

Nevertheless, it has been a productive Sunday. I have updated my CV and even translated the same to English. Tomorrow I plan to go to the different newspapers in the city and live my CV for consideration. The English version... I am gonna start seeking for a position in the UK. After all, I still have the dream of living there again. Can't take that idea off my mind!

Now that I have finished with the serious part of my day... I think there showing Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead man's chest... IN SPANISH! It is gonna be, as it always is, a hilarious one!

A gift for the Dalai Lama

Today I went shopping to my childhood neighborhood, Gracia. I had to find a gift for my brother the "Dalai Lama". He is the most difficult person to give a present to! He has very few passions... one, actually! His every week trip to the mountains, where he rolls down through all kinds of obstacles mounting his bike, him and his buddies the Dark Bikers.

As you can see, it was an almost impossible task. I had to call my niece for advice and she said what I already new... an impossible! lol She bought him a shirt and a slack, so she suggested I could buy him a pullover.

One good thing about the current economic crisis: the traditional January Sale has come earlier this year! I found him not one, but two pullovers. Finished my errands around the neighborhood and when I was about to take a cab, I see this small train coming up the street towards me. It was magic! A Polar Express in miniature. It made a stop right in front of where I was standing, and offered the last ride of the night for free... I took it of course! and for the first time this Christmas I felt like a kid again.

It wasn't just the ride what was magical tonight, the last stop was nothing short of a trip through time... The last stop was right in front of the tent of the third Wise Man, Balthazar, the black one... and which by the way, was and still is my favorite one! I couldn't help it. I had to do it. No excuses... I just walked right to him and asked for a Wii Sports.

Of course I am not so sure my wish will be granted, but I sure had a blast trying!

It's complicated!

I fell in love with a wonderful man. He is tall, handsome, kind. I can really talk to him, with him, and we understand each other in such a mature way... It was wonderful, but too short.

Why is it that whenever you find something so pure and good it never lasts... WHY!

We broke up a couple of days before Christmas, and it was really hard, because we love each other very much... we just can't be together. There are so many reasons why we can't be enjoying each other!

Yes, it is true that he's got a Peter Pan complex, and he probably still is a little bit of a mama's boy... but mostly, I know it is because he is afraid of failure, intimacy and commitment. He's fear paralyzes him in a way I have never seen before. He is so patently afraid of knowing he is in a relationship, and what such a state implies that he preferred to end it saying he loves me so much and don't want to hurt me with his fears. He wants to let it go now, cause he thinks that it is gonna happen anyways. No matter what we do, he believes, and I mean he really believes the future is already and irremediably written. He is sure he's never gonna be able to overcome his fears, and therefore, he is gonna fail me. He is gonna fail himself.

We are officially not together anymore... but we still live together as if nothing had happened. It is weird, I know! But we love each other... sometimes, most of the times... there are other moments when we are mutually pulling apart from each other, repelling each other!

In my case, it is because I have plans, lots of plans! Plans that, if in a relationship, would be postponed or worst! accommodated around the time we owe to the relationship. I would hate myself if I couldn't do all the things I need to do to fulfill a part of my inner self... on the other hand, one other thing I need to accomplish fulfillment, is a definite relationship with the man that makes me want to say "I wanna die with him, after having lived whatever I have left of life in this body of mine"...

His side of the story is a sad one too. He says he can't make things work. He says he can't change the course of things to happen. But, he keeps saying the same thing, that it is not that he doesn't want to, it is that he can't, cause he knows how it is gonna end. He says he is unable to make it happen, and he is afraid of hurting me more if we continue and then brake up having been together for a longer period of time. I keep saying that he doesn't want to, cause when you want something you fight for it till the end! Right? Unfortunately, I can't make him understand, nor can I get into his head to make him understand. In his mind, this future is his present... thus already happened. And in his future he has failed already. How can you fight that one!

The worst part, though, is that we really feel for each other, we really love each other (except when I hate him and he hates me back. Lol) But this is so complicated! When we are together we feel so intensely! We don't have to say it, and for a few days in a row we don't seem to have enough of each other, and those days are wonderful. Those are the days we don't leave the apartment and people don't intrude in our world. Then, and out of the blue, the demons come in and all goes to hell. We feel the need to be apart. We want to run out and be apart from each other, and time becomes an eternity just before we cross the door out... Then, it doesn't matter where we are, or who we are with... we feel miserable! Counting the minutes to go back into each other's arms.

We are both suffering already. I don't even know how it is gonna be after I move out, in a week or so. I know it is gonna hurt me more than I can imagine right now. I just don't wanna live in the future, like him... I don't want to miss a thing! Not one single wonderful moment... the bad ones I discard them as they come. Inside me, there's only place for good memories.

I am better at coping with it than he is. Probably because I live in the present, enjoy every minute of it!... In the mean time, he lives in an altered future where there is no future for us.

Those weird friends of mine: The Cigarette Eater